Dreams

I rant a lot about feminism later. Any time I say "feminists" it can be assumed I mean "some feminists"

I had part of my dream last night where this girl was telling me how she was very like "middle ages" and like fairytails, and she had green hair and was dressed sort of uniquely, and so when she was done describing herself I really wanted to ask her if it was 1. That she had an affinity for the aesthetics of that time period specifically taking place in that time period or 2. She saw these as having the capacity to exist with an equal amount of viability today. I woke up before I could get the question out.

I also was trying and failing to do tricks on this incredibly short skateboard, but manages to ollie off of and up onto a curb one time each by the end. There was also a part of the dream where I had gone to a drive thru ATM on foot and was trying to make a withdrawal and went through all the steps but it didn't dispense the cash, so then I was trying at least to review my balance statements and transfer history, but couldn't really get that info either. I think it said I had like 100 bucks though in my checking.

These were the normal parts of the dream, I had sort of a nightmare about a car accident I was in earlier in the night, where in the dream my dad was driving fairly slow but we were getting really close to a wall on the right hand side where I was sitting and eventually hit up against it and I woke up.

I don't feel like trying to really remember the rest right now.

Before I fell asleep I was imagining if I built a circular room with no indicators of which direction was which, and had a projection all across the wall and a sensor on the person. The image projected would be like a 360 degree panorama but it would actually be 500 degrees or anything larger, I guess a bit smaller could work too, but as the person would turn the part of the image outside of their field of view would change, so they would have, in my original idea, the experience of seeing a continuous image that took up more than 360 degrees.

Fun, whatever idea, I wish more that this could be achieved irl. We could achieve a similar sensation if we could more easily suspend enormous objects in the sky. We don't appreciate that the sky is our largest artistic canvas by far, and I don't know if there have been any concentrated attempts to take advantage of it in that way besides pyrotechnics and those projections at epcot.

I had a dream maybe a month or 3 weeks ago now, where I had to will that the world be destroyed, and I knew that 99% of it was gone, of course still leaving a massive amount of land as the earth is enormous, but I could see black smoke rising on the horizon in every direction.

I have so many dreams of taking planes places only to have no agenda and no place to stay and just feeling worried and that I didn't know anyone there. A lot of trains as well, and walking along long grassy paths. I also have tons of dreams about new york city, only the buildings are much larger and denser, and the landscape more varied.

I also have this dream of driving and the road becoming exceptionally narrow and then very sloped and stretching across long bodies of water. These still are the most normal my dreams get.

The odd parts are harder to explain, they become odd when I see things so beautiful I can't describe, or am so deeply aware that it is difficult to go through all of the knowledge I have about the components of the dream, or it changes so rapidly, and everything is expressed so metaphorically, it is difficult to talk about simply what is happening. There is also the dimensions of control I have, and the knowledge I have of what I can and cannot will and how that will play out. I also have had the sensation of unappetizing food being present in every single dream I've had for as long as I can remember. I also have mastered being able to wake myself up, I feel like I am more aware when sleeping than awake sometimes.

I'm not sure what else I can cull from them right now, I had this dream two nights ago I think where I was pressured into entering this room to get food, but knew I would get caught, and did so anyways, so then I escaped and was darting through many peoples yards, hopping fences and finding holes in bushes, eventually I ventured back and was caught by the owner who didn't speak english. He had with him all of these hyperbolized versions of jewish people I know, one of whom was wearing 3 yarmulkes one big and two smaller ones to cover his dreadlocks. I thought this was funny, also kind of unique for me to dream like that.

I also leave out when I talk about my dreams there is so much that happens before and after the part I talk about that is hard to get through. There aren't enough hours in the day after to talk all about the dream from the night before.

I find the traveling ones to be interesting for some reason because those feel fairly real to me, while most dreams are obviously a dream to me, I don't get to have that suspension of disbelief or whatever that saying is. But I wouldn't be surprised if I did take a plane to brazil without knowing why and then was just there. And in my dreams it is about as boring as real life, but that fear is exciting. I never really resolve it either, I usually just decide to call it a loss and go back. I often am going to Missouri or somewhere I've been in the middle of the country. and then just find it to be a similar experience as the first time being there. Returning places is always an odd sensation.

I have many dreams about camp as well, I have not had a school dream in a while. But I have many about navigating stairwells. Actually I think I had a school dream two nights ago, where I was trying to find a music department. Lots of being lost. Oh and I dream about cafeterias, and not having work done. Oh what am I saying I have school dreams all the time. I show up and have not done any work for the course or showed up to any of the classes. And I ask myself how did I even know I had this class today. Why today, did I check my schedule. I usually wake up without the thought of going to school even crossing my mind.

But they are often very negative, a lot of rape and violence, and uncertainty, but are also very beautiful and chaotic in a way that is exciting. I don't spend time with other characters usually, I prefer exploring alone, and love getting to wander around and not need to do anything, just explore for the hell of it. I wish life was like that really.

I think when I was a kid I thought in maybe 2 years you could make enough money to live off of, then spent the rest of your life working because you liked it. My dad always told me he liked his job, and I assumed that was what he meant when he would say "I work this job because I liked it". To the same effect I assumed most people donated 99% of their money to charity. That I assumed for a really long time until I was like 12 and was shocked to learn how little my parents gave. That really shocked me.

I just wrote a long rant about feminism and deleted it because I felt like it was a waste of time. But for now I am no longer identifying as one.

Although to go on a different rant, many people accuse feminists of playing the trick of saying "Do you believe men and women should have equal rights?" "yes" "Then you're a feminist" then there are all these other things they add on, of expectations put on you as a feminist how you should act. But these people will play the same trick as asking "Do you have a penis?" "yes" "Then you're a boy" and then there are all these other things they add on. So I wish both could recognize how unfair this is. It is true with theists too, someone will say they don't believe in god, then the theist will ask "Then how did the universe get here?" and of course anyone can concede that there is a universe that either began or has been in perpetual existence, and that there is some mechanism by which this takes place. But then there are all these other things about god they will add on.

To focus on this gender one though, I think that there is a genuine misunderstanding, and that for many who have either been taught of a broad definition of man, or who simply fit well enough into the idea of being a man they have been taught, it is easy for them to look at there penis and say this makes me a man, and be blind even to these expectations, since their personality doesn't conflict with them. This is not to say all non-trans men are "Manly" as that term has come to mean a particular kind of men, most people are taught some men are more manly, some are more effeminate, but that there are certain boundaries, and simply having a penis doesn't allow you to behave however you like without being chastised for not acting your role. The inverse being the case for women. While fluid over time and varying across the world I would argue that the implications in what being a man or being a woman are, are very narrow, and take a lot to broaden.

That being said, I am sure there are people who identify as genderqueer that have a very similar internal feeling as people who identify as men. And then that statement of course also says the inverse is true.

If the words man and woman simply referred to the biology alone, then why would people ever feel the need to invent new words to describe who they are. I think if you think about this for more than a moment it is clear that these words mean more. This is why there is a Woman's section in a clothing store, where lo-and-behold, you can still put the clothes on if you have a penis and the dress doesn't explode.

Gender is biological, but the penis is not in your throat preventing you from declaring you are a woman. In that sense gender is not biological. People who don't feel they fit into the male or female categories and would rather use a different word to describe themselves are talking about the non-biological aspects of the concept of gender. The way you talk, the clothes you wear, the way you interact with men and women, the words you use to describe yourself, even the way you move your body. These are all things biology plays a role in, but it does not prohibit you from acting in any of these ways. However the ways in which we use the words boy and girl, do have limitations on what they include as acceptable behavior. This is why many people who feel they don't fit will use the word sex to refer to biology and gender to describe societal expectations. Again, not to discount the sceince but to have language to discuss this other phenomena,

Of course you may ask why would anyone opt to identify as genderqueer, as that is even more weird than being a weird boy, but people don't want to use words to define themselves that don't fit. A good example of this is my mother is jewish and therefor by jewish law I am jewish. I don't practice or believe in judaism though, so that word to me is inaccurate, because again, this is a case of there being this one very small criteria, but then all of these other expectations are layered on about what it means to be a jew other than just a person with a jewish mom.

I hope this helps explain some of it, and that while there is clearly a political motivation in using different words, for most non-binary people this is experienced as an emotional issue and one of respect, not a political one. They are not disagreeing that there are 2 biological genders, you both are just talking about 2 separate things.

Maybe some day society will be structured so differently that our biological sex will be arbitrary and we won't even have two separate words to describe humans, but until then I don't see the definitions of man or woman expanding in regards to expectations.

Although maybe it would be nice if man became a catch all for having a penis, and was only a relevant term at a doctors office, and woman for vagina. But this is not where we are right now.

So you can see I still have this sjw rage inside me, but the man-hating part of feminism is what I don't get any more. It doesn't make sense that both, women are equal, and that not one of them has figured out how to end patriarchy in 10,000 years if not longer. And that now somehow things are so different that they will, and that also the focus now doesn't even seem to be on finding a way to do it. Usually I just see feminists either talking about cases of injustice, or getting mad at individuals for saying things that are insensitive.

Belief in patriarchy should really be a deterrent for becoming a feminist, because it seems to just always exist. And if it always exists then it can't end. There is no way to end it, so why are you a feminist?

I don't understand, and I don't think they do either. It isn't like racism. And I just think its so silly how your confirmation biases can lead you to a world view informing you on the experiences of every person on earth.

I don't believe in discounting the experiences of terrorists let alone just any man. It is ugly. Women want to be heard, and it is important that we listen, but I don't believe that is the only thing I am on earth to do. At a certain point I believe that I can take into consideration what I know and what I don't and speak when I feel its appropriate to do so.

That being said many feminists are really smart and I would never discount a person or their views just for being a feminist.

I guess my point is men didn't ask for this either, so you shouldn't be mean to us, I don't think that being mean to men helps women. I was a feminist before a lot of you were.

To go issue by issue of theirs, I don't know which wage gap statistic is true. I don't know how you close it. I think it is maybe the least concerning thing about income and wealth inequality, except for cases where homeless women are on the streets because they aren't making that extra X cents per hour that would let them afford an apartment. But of course I think people should be paid the same for the same work, but I don't know if anyone knows how to fix that.

On reproductive rights, of course abortion is an atrocity but I think it should be done safely. Everything about it depresses me.

Rape culture I believe. I think incorrect statistics get used a lot but there is sort of a comfort in the more mild forms of sexual assault. I don't believe in censoring media or videogames or anything like that. I think it would be better if people could have healthier discussions about sex and both sexes could more freely express their sexualities and interests. While teaching not to rape is maybe the most insane thing I have heard proposed it would be an easy bone to throw just to watch it obviously fail. I don't know, like I have been pressured into sex before, and touched in ways I didn't like, but it was just really uncomfortable, they weren't scary situations when I couldn't get help if the person wouldn't stop, so it is not an issue I viscerally relate to as much as some others. But yeah, I never believe in violence but would beat someone up if they raped somebody I loved just out of anger. Again though I think that what I proposed about discussions could help with the more mild forms of sexual assault. Rape itself, is not something I think is glorified. People are not looked at with contempt for having never raped, and our heroes are not rapists, idolized further by their actions of raping. It is not something I'm really qualified to talk about why it happens.

(I added this after.) It is stupid to dress certain ways in certain places. I don't personally think it is bad to dress any way you like. But other people to a degree attack based on what people are wearing. After an attack has happened of course is not the correct time to talk about what you should be wearing.

I kind of stated how I feel on trans issues in regards to pronoun usage/other genders. I am all for people using words to describe themselves. I think it's uninteresting, and not really something to judge someone by in a good or a bad way, but will use whatever words you want, I understand. I don't fully understand how this is a women's issue, but trans people do have a much higher likelihood of being murdered and homeless. You know, how do we stop these things? I'm not sure but I mean trans people, often face lots of discrimination. Here I mean trans though in its older sense where you are transitioning from male to female or female to male. Of course people face disrespect for just being non-binary but I think it is rarely the same kind of thing. But yeah I don't know what to really do to help trans people. I don't like that they are mistreated and wish more people saw the real suffering that was happening, and not just the annoying kids using a different word.

What else, oh the role of women. Here I really don't think my opinion matters, but I think women should do whatever they like. I don't think its better if they work/stay at home.

I don't remember what else they talk about, oh the intersections of race and gender. Something I don't really know much about. To talk about race itself would be a long whole other thing, but I would really just be adding that, to what I know about gender, rather than anything about how the two really mix.

I am 100% for free speech in videogames,tv,movies etc. I used to get really bothered by how women are depicted, I guess I haven't seen a new movie in a while. It's dumb and empty, and condescending to all of us. It's shit, I'm not sure what else. I see it as a symptom of the distribution of power predominantly rather than an enforcer. Which is to say if women owned most of the wealth, land, businesses, resources, I don't think that hollywood and sexist jokes etc. would bring them down. I do think these things are easier to tweet about though than the development of the human species over thousands of years. That being said, yeah I don't really like movies. It I'm sure is shitty as a woman to see these depictions.

Porn critiques are sometimes fair, they are often of mainstream porn. Oddly I see the most sexism in the way pro dommes are treated, or in how women are depicted in bdsm where the woman is the dominator. There they seem to be the most fetishized and dehumanized. Of course this is fantasy and porn, it is a problem when men think they can talk to them like they are not human. But I don't think there is an issue with mainstream straightporn of women being raped or anything like that. I across the board don't think that media causes the actions it depicts. I know I just mentioned an example of men acting like women are objects and them being objectified in the porn, but that I think is a specific case and is slightly different, because they think they know a person from seeing their videos and they are contacting the specific person in the film. Some people think men actually rape because there is rape porn.

Ok so on to the good stuff, I've maybe touched on this but the microaggressions. This is really case by case. I really find issue with these theories on how people ought to behave in personal interactions. I think that interactions are unique and experienced between two people who hopefully can empathize and communicate with one another. There is no compassion in these concepts about how men by default mistreat women. We are forced to have some degree of contact with one another, so I would hope we can both listen and communicate. I think I am hopefully reacting to a widely held misinterpretation of microaggressions than its intended meaning, but I think life is case by case. I really am bugged by this culture of blocking and putting on blast and clapping back, and all of this really petty immature cowardly nonsense. Why cant we have productive conversations and try to empathize with each other. If you aren't open to connection then don't waste my time and just leave me alone. wow such salt.

Ok, trigger warnings. My sister was in a dance performance and before there was a trigger warning where they said that in the performance between dances there would be voiceovers, and that one would discuss sexual assault and that one time they will say the word rape. I thought that was kind of funny. But generally yeah, I see no problem, I think that this entire issue could be resolved if people stopped using a name to refer to them, and simply chose to give a disclosure about disturbing content out of consideration if they liked. I think this has existed for a long time. I also find the hypersensitivity towards the hypersensitivity of others to be amusing.

Safe spaces, ok sure. Yeah no harm if you want to do that, I think it's interesting. I kind of feel like everywhere is a safe space to some degree like there is a code of what is appropriate or inappropriate to discuss no matter where you go. But will concede anti-feminists generally are much much more open to hearing other opinions than feminists.

Ok so yeah just the way the movement is run. It is predicated on the notion that it is right. And I think that bothers lots of anti-feminists who would like to debate, but feminists are not interested because in their view it is like debating if slavery is wrong with their slave masters. So in that sense it is kind of amazing that there is any debate taking place. Also the role of men in feminism as needing to shut up, listen, be still etc. i don't know. It feels very confusing. I am wrong for saying or asking anything, but at the same time we aren't enemies but we are, and I should be a feminist but also I am what they are fighting.

Masculinity is what really gets me, I'll get back to the movement's action plan because I have more to say on that but yeah. I just despise this concept, that if anything gets me triggered. Because probably the biggest hurdle I have dealt with in terms of my identity is struggling with this stupid one size fits all concept of what it means to be a man. I've allowed it to damage a lot of who I truly am, and have wasted a lot of time trying to appeal to people who's opinions don't matter, and it has been a big distraction. I think it is as powerful as we make it, but is a big struggle for a lot of men. Feminists not only blame men for having these sets of expectations, they also don't care about their struggles whatsoever. They confuse men with masculinity. And blame men for embodying what they have been told to embody their entire life. Nearly all of them also are attracted to masculine men. And ask men to be a way that less women will be attracted to them. They say that men should feel more and be more emotional. But then they say that they are drinking male tears and men should check their privilege and stop complaining. I'm so triggered lol. But yeah this piece is a big mess. I hate being blamed for things I didn't chose. There is nothing preventing women from embodying masculinity and its toxic effects. I feel really dumb for taking the bait on this one. I feel like this is a waste of this post, but in the interest of being all encompassing I'm willing to show my irrational triggeredness. Feminists will also say that femininity is all of these good qualities of being nurturing and equal and matriarchal societies were so good etc. whatever, ok this part was a waste of time.

It's really not the data I argue with but the conclusions. Like if you take for example a hunter gatherer society, and then half of them enslave the other half to farm, they both become stuck doing that. After a generation, both have forgotten how to forage and survive in another way. And the masters are better at being masters than the slaves are. And you can say the masters are bad because they oppress the slaves, and the slaves are good because they don't oppress anyone but neither of them are doing this. Neither of them are getting the choice to do what the other one is doing. You know like women are not being so non-toxic out of the goodness of their hearts so I don't think they deserve credit for not doing what is structurally impossible for them to do. And in the same way men are blamed for what they are born with.

I understand completely that true feminism is not blaming men. But feminists are so careless, because even if they can take 40 minutes with someone and go through how maleness, is something that society creates and to attack it is not to attack those who embody it, they don't take that 40 minutes. And they seem not to care. People have a deeply emotional and personal attachment to their genders and any gendered words associated with it, maleness, masculinity, patriarchal, patriarchy, etc. and women know this. They know men are hurt by the way the talk about them and they don't care. It is one thing to be convinced in your analysis of gender imbalances and structures, but it is another to use language that you know will hurt others when this does nothing to help your cause.

Ok femininity, yeah just as shit as masculinity. I mean femininity in the traditional sense of being dainty whatever. But really any gender specific expectation I think is garbage. Of course within a system of oppression I understand there are circumstances where solutions apply differently to either side and that is not a double standard, but generally morality ought to be morality. I hate that women are expected to be anything other than accepting, and I feel the same for men. This being said, I really don't think that there is something more right about being accepting vs. non-accepting, this is just what I believe. But that would be another issue. I guess I do believe it is more right, but only to a degree, at a certain point I understand my bias at least.

But yeah generally speaking I think women do have it harder in a lot of ways, I feel like it would just be psychologically difficult to see so many figures throughout history as being of a gender that isn't yours. I think maybe unconsciously you learn earlier as a woman that you are only as valuable as what you can produce economically. And they don't have those figures really so when they are being sexualized they don't have a plethora of nonsexualized women to identify with. I don't think that sexualization and appreciating bodies is itself an issue, but an imbalance definitely occurs when there are more women you could list that are in part known for being physically attractive than for what they've done. Where as for men you could list both.

I guess I hope there are feminists out there who appreciate a nuanced opinion from a person who hasn't experienced oppression based on their gender and is interested in furthering the conversation with them where they can speak from experience. But again, it is the slave/master thing where I come off as arrogant for being anything but completely accepting of everything feminist doctrine tells me. And I appreciate that. And lived it for a couple years, a couple years seriously, but really since I was in highschool I was regurgitating whatever I heard from feminists I just didn't know where to look back then so would only hear things here and there. But yeah, I am signing off from it. I doubt I personally am the missing link that will save women from patriarchy. And I guess I don't encourage anyone else to not be a feminist, but I would encourage people to be nice so I guess I sort of am.

It feels good to be honest and know I won't have IRL friends anymore lol. There was something I wanted to come back to, oh I kind of did just there. Yeah the movement is run in this all or nothing way. And I would be on board with that if there wasn't all of this meanness that I don't think has anything to do with bettering the cause. That's really all that I'm not on board with, like I am not going to prioritize not electing a president who has sexually assaulted over one that has blown up men. But I support these issues for as big of an issue as I see them as being, which I think is still very real.

The realest thing for me though is what you can't really do anything about though which is just where the cards have fallen. I'm not as big on this stopping offensiveness shit, because its only offensive because the way things are. And the ugly thing about power is how it really exists for the people who have it and not anyone else. Like that is why it has been patriarchy the whole time, or why the banks like make so much money. Men exercise power because it works for them, not so that it can be given to women. So like yeah I believe in empathy and foraging, and don't know what else. Even democracy is kind of shit because it is always imperfect and usually very imperfect. We will always be competing so long as we don't each have our own unlimited food and shelter.

I'm thinking if I missed anything. I might come back and add more. The voting thing is kind of shit because only men with property could vote, and then all men and then all women, but those only happened like 68 years apart from one another or something. Like I just don't think ongoing fighting for a cause has ever worked. Like slavery ended because it stopped being economically viable. And like women started working because that was needed economically. Like its never had anything to do with helping that group of people.

So yeah I'm still interested in learning more, and probably am listening to a bit too much anti-feminist points of view. But this is where I'm at now. Very worn out.

Also yeah Franchesca and Laci seem like cool people. I have all the love for feminists I just don't consider myself to be one right now.

humongous what

I guess PC culture is the other thing I didn't talk about specifically. Again, really case by case. All around I think that term is really unproductive. Different people find things offensive. If you are talking with an individual I think the onus is on you to empathize and think about how they will take what you say. And then if you offend them, it is their job to express that to you, and then yours to accept that. But like I disagree with me or anyone saying anything like that about how to act in interpersonal interactions. I feel like that's weird, unless you are asking for advice which is totally cool, it just feels odd to dictate how like everyone should interact. And then if it's your art or whatever yeah free reign. I don't know I just feel like more often than not people are being rude and then saying that they shouldn't need to be so PC. But like I don't know, I forgot I was just talking about women. I'm not even sure how this applies. Like saying bitch or something, I don't know. Is that a PC thing? Or like bossy. Like that was one I agreed with because I've never heard people call men bossy. There are definitely a lot of words people use for just women and I think that's weird. I think recognizing hypocrisy is something most of us struggle with tremendously. You know I just don't believe in berating people and that's I think what separates me. Because like I don't know oh ok I have another topic I will get to, but like recently online someone posted that someone should lose weight to be pretty, and I told them how I had just been talking to this other person online dying of anorexia and that they never know who will read their post, but then added that at the same time I was not trying to censor them. Like I think morally and if you don't want to think about that productively, that is all you can do.

OK so body image, that is maybe the one I side with the most on the feminist side. That freaks me the fuck out like, every hot girl I've met hasn't known they're hot. It is really disturbing, and just like I'm not sure if I should be writing this as if the reader is brainwashed or not, but I guess for me personally the body types I am most attracted to are not represented on magazine covers. That isn't to say those girls aren't really pretty, like I am not trying to hate on models, I think they are one kind of pretty that is not what the majority of men are attracted to. And I feel like that would be a really unnecessary thing to point out because they are perfectly attractive and are some men's ideals I'm sure many men, but to aspire to be that when your body isn't built that way is like if people had the ability to be totally rational about this, crazy, but the point is they don't. Like you cannot tell women otherwise because they won't believe you and it is not their fault. But it is so hard to watch, and like yeah I have had people close to me struggle with eating disorders, but even before that I just knew what I was attracted to and it was not that. And like I was as kid so at the time, that alone made it seem so crazy, but like now obviously just eating in a certain way to fit any body type that another person thinks is good is again not the fault of the girl but super unfortunate. Having trouble articulating, it is kind of emotional for me, but with this yeah. Of course there is also fat acceptance which goes into unhealthy body types on the other end, but that is so far, far less of an issue. There is an enormous place of attractiveness inbetween the poles of being unhealthy, and how skinny you are within that range does not effect your attractiveness like, it just doesn't. That's why I'm saying models aren't ugly, like that isn't the point but like, they would be just as attractive if they gained weight. Again I feel weird talking about them, like this is also not the fault of the models, this isn't anyone's fault, like this is just a consequence of how so many chips have fallen, but yeah anorexia is terrifying and is based in really false ideas about what men like. But again yeah women shouldn't feel crazy for being so wrong on this because its confusing why modeling agencies and hollywood do what they do. I feel like maybe I shouldn't have even touched this.

wow this has been really boring, ok. Women in X. Representation, I mean I think this is actually a thing, like, the majority of all people are not visible, so like having visible women would be something, maybe, I think women having money would be more of a thing. I don't know I'm not qualified to talk about any of this. When I don't feel strongly I feel like I'm just putting out what I think and then am losing points with either group, but who cares. I like there being initiatives to give women access to things. I think it makes sense big picture as long as men have the majority of positions owning banks. Honestly even this feels weird though, not enough information. This maybe gets at the heart of it though, like affirmative action for women. Because this is before like what I was so for. I guess it is like a less ugly version of patriarchy that help women instead of men, is how I would look at it. And less ugly only because less is at stake. So ultimately the rich will fuck over the poor but it will have less to do with gender. Like today we have more slavery than ever but it is illegal and has less to do with race. You know and I'm not saying equality would bring about more inequality that was just an example that came to mind of there being a worse scenario but it no longer being an identity issue of the same sort.

Feminism doesn't challenge the ugly system that allows for both patriarchy and equity if that even. And I don't think it cares like to be honest I think that they don't really care about equality and just think they do because it makes them feel like there is a moral imperative to them asking for more money, and of course are not advocating to have it worse in the scenarios which they have it better than men. That last argument of course doesn't make sense from the slave/master mindset. But yeah I think a lot of people see through how confusing an underwhelming feminism is and that's why most of its supporters in my opinion feel dishonest to some degree. It just doesn't make any sense why it would somehow work, or how half of what they do would help women be equal. Like how does shouting down sexism make you equal, or like i don't know. I'm sure there are people out there doing real work I just don't know about, but obviously they are failing.

There are gender roles in like every species on earth. I don't know what that says, but that was something tough for me to accept when I was in full feminist mode. Like I was saying earlier I believe in like testing and trying to change those boundaries as much as possible. But for whatever percentage of feminists actually believing this is men's fault do you blame non-human males of this too?

OK this has gotten so derailed. I just want to get everything out. MANSPLAINING. ok obviously this is a mansplanation. OK lets go there, this for some reason feels awful to say, but I guess I feel like my choices as a guy are either to be offended by when women are stupid, or think of them as less than me and have pity on them. I maybe already said that, but yeah like I disagree with when feminists are stupid. Yeah I guess I feel shitty about it because I include that second part. Because that is like real internalized misogyny on my part. I can check my privilege in that area, or like check my being shitty.

omg male privilige. How did I not even do this one specifically, male privilege, like and then there are so many. So I guess to address this generally at first. Men having privileges, and the implication being ones that women do not. It's worded very odd, because you could come at I think most of these and say like these are things that women could use. I mean some men have and some men don't I don't know if why what men have is relevant other than the insight or lack they would have towards what women have to deal with. Which I guess is the point. So yeah, I agree that people should empathize and look beyond their own experiences. Not discount something because it didn't happen to them. And yeah in reference to men's relation to women's issues it could be that them being a man is what prevented them from already knowing what x and x situation is like for a woman. It's complex I guess because this could be such a positive concept and is. I've already stated how I feel on women being mean trying hurt and shame men, and it really applies with this one, but I don't need to go into that again. This concept in its purest form I totally can get behind.

But yeah all in all I don't think anyone should be made to downplay their own sadness and struggles or be mocked for them, I think this is true for murderers and rapists and terrorists and men, everyone. I just don't think its productive to react to hate with hate, even if one of the hates has a way worse impact. And like I said like yeah in certain scenarios I would make a mistake, but I see it as a mistake.

Asking feminists to be more openminded is rooted in a deep misunderstanding of the movement, so I won't go there but I would at least say being more sensitive, because how does being insensitive help feminism?

And I don't mean to keep saying its my problem for not educating myself or me being a man makes me automatically deserve whatever I get because it doesn't compare to what you deal with. You are still hurting people's feelings and it has a neutral if not negative effect on your movement and that is why I am no longer a part of it.

Ok fuck. So I definitely am not an anti-feminist still, I'm not sure what I am. I don't know if I have the energy or there are any more positions to address.

Oh violence against women. Oh my gosh, horrifying. Definitely not qualified to speak, and nothing to say. Anything that can be done to stop it.

Looking these up now

Free the nipple- all for it

CATCALLING omg. fucking catcalling. Yeah fuck that.

I'm reading this huffpost article

Sex trafficking. That is a whole other post in itself. Yeah horrendous. I mean a lot is because of it being illegal. It is a bigger issue outside US but still a really big one here. heartbreaking.

Leslie Jones- NO

What else. internalized xxx I am tired, i don't know maybe I should come back to this. Feminism represents feminists not women. There are so many issues it discusses with so many different ways they can be addressed. So even if you agree with all the information, if you have a different idea of how to react that still discounts you as a feminist. And they can be so mean and wrong.

All I want is to talk over women and say rude things without being judged, and not be given this snarky dumb shit, and I am back on board. But if not, bye for now.

OK so I also put in that bit about DOLAND TRUMP you should definitely VOTE FOR HIM because HAILIARRY CLENTON has BLOWN UP THE FAMILIES in the PAKISTAN this means VAGINAS WERE EXPLODED would you rather have your pussy nonconsensually grabbed, or nonconsensually EXPLODED?

My mom was driving and I was in the car the other day and we passed a big building that said Lockheed Martin, and I looked up and I saw a drone.

but ya vote like you live in northwest pakistan.

if you care about poc remember that non-whites also live outside of america. nothing donald has done is as bad as this.

But omg it is already tomorrow so never mind lol. Vote for hillary if she is already president.

OK anything positive. I guess, that, well I don't know. Jordan B Peterson is really smart even though he is wrong on the pronouns thing. He is a fascinating guy and I think may be a genius, so it is understandably hard for him to see him being wrong, and told that by people less intelligent than him.

Also I don't know when they will come out with a new update for Super Mario Maker, but that will be exciting when it does happen.

Jessica Ballinger is pregnant.

I'm kind of not typing anything for a while right now, wanted to add that.

I feel like I personally have a lot of feelings about women I'd like to talk about like and maybe this is the space to do that too. Like I really like how they look a lot. And have so many specific opinions and feelings about what I like.

I often compare myself to women, and feel like I'm maybe not doing something right because like I could see a woman doing it differently. Especially when it comes to emotional, feelings oriented things. But then I will think about how a guy would act and realize my behavior is more acceptable there for my gender. But for whatever reason my mind jumps to females first. I think it is maybe because I just think about them more often and I really have no reason to think about guys unless they are my friends.

I have no reason to think about girls I don't know either, but my mind has just trained itself to be that way. I've become really aware of this lately although not specifically. But like, I just was raised to get gratification from doing what my parents liked. But also like I am not blaming my situation now on them, this is just the behavior pattern I am changing. But I have just been saying doing what others like, more honestly it has just been towards women or at least much more so than men.

That probably prompts a lot of my thoughts when it comes to this issue. Ever since I became pubescent I really hated women, because I was so insecure, suddenly their attention became my source of gratification and when I didn't get it I would hate them. Really mature stuff, but I was what, like 12? even younger, 10 I think. But some of that I've carried with me, which is about time to recognize, it feels so good to be able to forgive.

Maybe I would be full feminist if I wasn't carrying any of this spite, because even in letting go, I still am not generating my own gratification yet, so it is an uncertain place. I could've done more today, writing this is really the only thing I did. In the morning I was watching some bearing vids I think. I was trying to figure out if TYT was getting money from Qatar.

But yeah I really put women on a pedestal, and act like they are so important, because I've let them play a huge role in my development as a person and how I shape my values and present myself. And have taken many of them for fools in centering my life around tricking them into thinking I don't care what others think about me. Maybe this piece is more important than the one on feminism.

This post reminds me of conversations I have with my parents where we start on one bit and it seems kind of clear, but then becomes this run on thing forever and I lose track of what is even happening.

So yeah seeing women really as friends has been a new and good thing. I need to just pretend they are one of my guy friends. It has been good to see them for them instead of their body.

I definitely have a ways to go though, but I will get there. I felt like there was more to go into on that, but this may not be the time or place.

Edging is something I always thought I'd do with someone but it really hasn't happened. I have for her, but not for me.

I think its so smart how Bill Burr does his whole bit on women, waits for the last laugh to finish, and then says I could be wrong. It reminds me of that Veritasium video where he talks about how something happening immediately after an event can trick your mind into thinking what even took place. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4vyRvMASPU its somewhere in there.

I love his videos. I guess I see a lot of sadness in his face and sometimes feel that way too. I shouldn't judge him and should look at myself more which is harder. He did make one video about his depression I think, so maybe that is fair game to comment on. He asks really interesting questions which is really the point. It could also be that. I used to have so much judgement towards michael from vsauce, which seems so petty. At the time I felt like the absurdity of his rigidity in how he analyzed fuzzy concepts was offensive to what they were, but that was always silly of me to say. They are really well made videos.

When he is using science to try to describe what is love, or what is creepy is maybe a better example. It is a lot like not being a feminist and describing feminism. Or not being religious and describing judaism. Like so many things are internally consistent, and any disagreement with them fails to understand what they are because from the outside they look like contradictions. But the hypocrisy is built into it, like hypocrisy should never be what you use to disprove someone's standpoint, even though I'm sure I'm guilty of that throughout this.

I really want to make this more positive. I have been working on this string composition in garage band, i have like 11 bars now I kind of like.

Also franchesca in haters back off is really good. And tomorrow we will vote. I almost decided I was going to vote Trump because I really would prefer him to imwithherpocrisy but I remembered the gop platform for having such shit in it.

GENDER

what a sour word. I guess it is much easier to speculate on than to really live it. I'm not saying I will never 'minism again. I just need some time. I have too much respect for my own intelligence to blindly accept from anybody. I hope that is at least something some people can understand. It is fine if you want to do that and feminists will love you for it. gender gender gender

Also I didn't bring this up, but I don't agree with anti-feminists on feminism being cancer, destroying society, all of that. I think a lot of people are being condescending and mean, which I recognize I am having an exaggerated reaction to. But yeah, they are just doing mini reverse patriarchy, everyone tryna get dat cheese.

It is nothing new, or anything to care about in a negative way. Of course there are just some who look ridiculous and make for entertaining content. And Cenk and Kyle and David Pakman do the same with Pat Robertson and Jesse Peterson etc. from the otherside. JAMES DAVID MANNING omg I forgot about him.

He is my favorite. I watched his videos in like 2012 when he was talking about the obama girls shit was that 08 even? I don't know but he is a character.

Ok I should eat. I am just doing this so I never have to talk about gender again.

Fucking, i don't know. I've never need to face it, but I imagine it would really suck. I hope that things will change for the better. I'm gonna find how much land there is that can be foraged. Everyone we can get foraging is not contributing to patriarchy. Of course changing in this way is a challenge and hasn't been done yet. After nuclear war or climate disaster thoughhhh

Do you guys like Norf Norf? I have been listening to it a lot and like the music video. Just how his face is really clear and close up, the black and white makes the light from my computer feel less invasive.

Also yeah, i don't know. maybe I am excited for tomorrow I wonder how Barack feels right now. I hope he isn't constipated.

Or BERNARD omg ... (((no words)))

jk I just learned about that I love anti-semitism. I guess I still shouldn't say that.

I love american 2016 anti-semitism, I love it when people are fine, and are just butt hurt but like fine.

Like is that ok? I've been through so much jewish education, I still have that card I think.

They cut my penis, I'm allowed to kvetch.

OK um la illaha illa allah wa muhammadur rassul allah. and L'dor V'dor donkeyshame

As above so below, I am Alpha and Omega the first and the last

For we have seen his star in the east and are cum to worship him

mashallah C.R.E.A.M.

as-salaam 'alaykum bitch you 'aTshaan please grab a Sprite

I saw this new flavor of Sprite Northside Longbeach Northside Longbeach

I think the danger with these transgenders is they thinks that them penises is a vaginas and is taking up all our tax dollars when they don't have the medical insurances and is goin to the hospital for getting their fingers stuck up their pee-holes trying to masturbate like a girl.

And also did I address everything?

manspreading. ...

toxic masculinity, i think I did that one.

I have a trashbag with a bra, panties, and a dress in it like 2 feet away from me. I don't know if that's relevant. Not like they are in the trash I just hide my girl clothes.

If you don't crossdress and are a guy I would really recommend, it is so calming. I really discounted it because once I stopped feeling trans, I didn't understand. But crossing is really its own thing, and is so fun.

I remember the first time I just wore this tight flowery tank and was biking in the rain and it felt amazing. That shirt was so great. and leggings yes. I wore stockings even.

So irrelevant though, relevant? I'm really curious how, I am so deep in this is hard for me to step outside.

As in I am too tired/lazy at this point. Someone wrote on youtube they thought black people are lazy. That was a new one. OR no it wasn't youtube. I think everyone is lazy. But it speaks to this confirmation bias. OR maybe it was another race. I don't remember, but it was just like wow, people think so many different things. I don't know I have never found a particular race to be more lazy.

That was really interesting the part where I realized my allowing women to play a role in shaping my self image effects the way I feel towards a movement of theirs that casts me in a negative light. That was really interesting.

Oh this was about dreams. Yeah I have really weird dreams. A lot of looking for things. Oh and the medieval girl. She didn't really look medieval. I just knew she was into that. And it wasn't even actual medieval things it was like this idea of mythology, and of like enchantment and adventure.

Like I wish that shit were real all the time, like I wish the world really were what it was, and we could eat the food we need to survive and then do literally everything physics allows us to. Like that would be so awesome and that's what I'm trying to accomplish. Anything that is an image or a symbol of life I feel like is ultimately so empty. Like Terence Mckenna would talk about direct human experience.

Fat Shaming omg fat shaming, I forgot. No. Definitely against.

OK, so yeah I remembered because I was going to say he would inadvertently kink-shame, but was saying that as a joke, even though he would say like deranged bdsm bla bla, I'm sure he would've gotten it if someone had explained. I didn't know him, idk.

But yeah that is really what I believe has an opportunity to still happen, foraging would allow it to happen the most as it takes the least hours a day for survival, I guess some transhuman utopia would also lol would also accomplish this. Transhuman as in transhumanism not the trans humans I was talking about before.

It would be really awkward to be a transphobic transhumanist. I'm sure they exist.

But that is probably how most people think of it, like technology will give us more possibilities, even though so far it really hasn't because no one can enjoy anything because they don't have security in their source of food.

Like real hunter gatherer security, like I have a house and enough food no matter what, because the world literally provides it for me, like it provides me with a functioning heart.

Like I think because religion is so old, we forget humans existed way before religion. So I can really understand why they would arise to cope with this sheerly ridiculous position humans found themselves in once they had deprived themselves of both bountiful land and the knowledge of how to forage from it and build shelters.

I think beavers would turn to jesus too if they lost that. I know they build dams and don't live in them etc etc etc

But yeah its this insane situation we are in, not having those 2 resources that every other species on earth does, about the rich land and the knowledge of how to use it.

We act like our "development" was a choice, rather than a bad decision we got screwed into perpetuating.

It was not that farming was "so good" we just couldn't stop, its that the slave owners and slaves eventually both had kids, who grew up never learning what foraging was. Or even if the first farmers were not slave owners somehow, they just wanted to do a lot more work, they still were cheating kids out of the knowledge of survival by raising them on a farm.

But I really do want to have a happier attitude than watching it all burn. I think Dashiegames is a really phenomenal channel. Also Thomandy Gaming. And he plays all of the levels Dashie does. And Renasu, and CarlSagan42 and Panga. Those are the ones I watch the most now. So many others.

Super Mario Maker is great. Ok great everyone go Vote Bernie Today

Allahu Akhbar

Ok yeah I think women are good. I guess is the conclusion. And that yeah, I don't know, just be yourself. lol

such a hairy topic.

HAIR omg all for it allahu akhbar

and ya cheaper women's products i don't know, yes, yeah that.

so what does this make me like a closet sjw cuck, I feel like I've taken on all the negatives of being a cuck but not even getting the ally points that people do it for.

I have been watching so much TJ and sargon and bearing, they just are so entertaining to me, and like Blair White. I don't know I enjoy their content genuinely. that is also a thing, like I love hearing someone tear up Amy Schumer, but like I think Kevin Hart is equally not funny, or like anything on Comedy Central, I don't think it is a sexist thing. I just, I don't know vote Bernie Sanders. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjS6OdY2dBQ

And yeah I think Joey Salads is a good hearted well meaning person, but I wish sometimes he wouldn't be so rough on Stevie.

I just want people to think I am a toxic male, that is easier for us all to deal with. I AM THE EMBODIMENT OF PATRIARCHY OOOOoooooOOOO)))

PATRIARCHY OPPRESSION INJUSTICE SEXISM MALE SUPREMACY RAPE CULTURE TOXIC MASCULINITY CAPITALISM RACISM CLASSISM ABLEISM HOMOPHOBIA TRANSPHOBIA BIPHOBIA AGENDERPHOBIA SYSTEMIC VIOLENCE

puppies, candy

and french fries

I think that everyone is a dog.